Raise your hand if you look in the mirror every day… Everyone, right? Me too. Since we can all agree on that, it is reasonable to assume that we all know what we look like. We know our best and worst features. We know our scars and the things we try to cover up (which are still there). We know what we look like beneath what people see on a daily basis. We have mirrors to thank for that!

Mirrors have many functions and properties. They have the ability to display reality or illusion. Often times their images are closer than they appear. With all that mirrors are capable of here is what I find most interesting about them; at the core mirrors are a reflection. Man has created a way for images to be projected back to us for our viewing pleasure.  And even though we can find mirrors just about everywhere that’s still not enough. Ever check yourself out in a store window? Don’t lie! How about on your cellphone? And don’t even get me started on “selfies”. Who thought it would be cool to put a double-sided camera on our phones, anyway? Apparently there weren’t enough images of us to go round before. Genius! I digress… The point is we have plenty of opportunity and rationale for looking at ourselves – to the point of perpetual narcissism.

Where am I going with this you ask? You may have seen or heard me talk about “#MirrorLife” before. It’s one of many hashtags I created during my extensive self-discovery and emotional recovery. 

MirrorLife stems from a period of time where I hated looking in the mirror. I didn’t want to see myself because I didn’t like what I saw. I had a reflection that reminded me of the pain I was going through. I didn’t need imagery to further the experience. I had to utilize the mirror for practical reasons of course. (Are my clothes on properly? Is there anything in my teeth, etc.?) But I would spend no more than five minutes in it, if that. I washed my hands looking down at the sink. There was really no need to look in the mirror as my personal appearance was not top priority at the time. I couldn’t be bothered to check and see if I was well put together throughout the day. I knew I wasn’t. I didn’t like taking photos or participating in anything that may visually capture a moment in time where I was barely hanging on. What I didn’t realize was that even though I didn’t see myself, everyone else did.

Herein lies the lesson:

Even though we see ourselves in the mirror every day, we don’t really “SEE” ourselves until we see our reflection in others. What does that mean? You know yourself. You know your intentions, your heart, your journey, your motives, and your level of intelligence, on and on. But what people see is different. I hear you saying, “But I don’t care what people think about me”. I understand what you mean. But first, that’s not entirely true. Second, we’re not talking about people’s negative judgments. We are talking about what people see IN you and how they view you as a human being. We’re peeling back the layers.

I thought I knew my reflection. I thought I was straight-forward and “what you see is what you get”. What I saw was that I was direct and sarcastic. More importantly I was kind, honest, self-sacrificing, funny, charming, and loving. I had a need for people to be happy and for everything to be right. What people saw (and projected back to me) was a far cry from what I considered to be my reflection. I was disheartened to find that people saw me as rigid, closed off, unapproachable, combative, judgmental, emotional, and volatile.

How did I come to know this? It took time and effort on my part to discover these harsh truths. I sought them out in fact. After seeing a pattern of behavior with the people in my professional and personal life I knew that the common denominator was me. There was conflict, chaos, and relationship turmoil great and small. What was causing people to behave in certain ways towards me? Several people behaving in the same way? I had to take accountability for some of it. I discovered that the answer was in my mirror. It was time to look at my reflection once and for all.

I started by having heart-to-hearts with people; colleagues, family members, and friends. I asked them specific questions and allowed them to be brutally honest about what they saw in me. It’s true what they say. The same truth that hurts also sets you free. When I looked at myself and couldn’t see beyond my pain others looked at me and saw all of my flaws. Both everything I tried to hide and things I couldn’t even see were revealed in the reflection people saw in me. Funny thing about mirrors – they can either distort or reflect – but they don’t lie.

MirrorLife is about seeing yourself for who you are on the inside. It is about self-discovery and acknowledging truths (even the harsh ones). Cosmetics companies don’t make a cover up to hide what’s inside. You have to deal with it at some point. If you don’t you’ll find yourself in the position I was in. In order to view the full scope you have to take a look at yourself from the outside in. What do people see in you? Are you good, bad, or ugly inside? How do people view your character? Do they take what you say at face value? Are you a fraud? Are you living in someone’s shadow? Are you hiding something? Are your actions consistent with your speech and character?

I learned that everything I was holding onto and hiding was visible all along. Although people didn’t know the exact nature of my issues, they manifested in ways I hadn’t planned or considered. Once I grasped that concept it evoked a response. For the first time in a long time I wanted to see myself. I had to consider all the angles and points of view. I had to stop hiding and covering up. I had to own every scar and trace of my tears. I had to address everything that was distorted and reflected in the person I thought I was. I had to live the MirrorLife.

MirrorLife is honesty in its truest form. It’s about what you see versus what you project and how the images correspond. I know it can be hard to let people see certain things. We cover them for a reason. But it is when we acknowledge our reflection and allow people to see what we really look like inside that we realize how and why we are wonderfully made. We realize that we have layers. We realize that we have beauty and value. We realize that we are unique. That very same uniqueness is what ties us together.

MirrorLife is not for everyone. Some of us are comfortable with our reflection. And I stand and applaud that. Those who project exactly who they are on the inside hold the key. You are living proof of the insight and freedom we are all hoping to attain.

However, I encourage those of you who are like me to ask the tough questions. Stop hiding from your reflection. Take a moment to truly see yourself – particularly in the eyes others. What’s your MirrorLife like? Do you like what you see?

I certainly didn’t. Having seen my reflection in others was confirmation that I wasn’t as strong as I thought. I wasn’t as good at concealing things as I had hoped. Everything I had going on inside was spewing over into every area of my life.

I looked in the mirror for the first time and decided to change my point of view. I began to appreciate what I saw. I accept the years, the changes, the scars, the variances, and the likeness to others. I pay more attention to what I project. My reflection is now my reality. It’s the real me. I am no longer living in the shadows afraid to be seen. My cards are out on the table so to speak. #MirrorLife